Go Back   Novahq.net Forum > Off-Topic > Humor & Jokes
FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Humor & Jokes Got a funny joke or a funny email? Post it so we can all laugh!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-12-2005, 10:23 AM
Stalker61 is offline Stalker61
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 644

Biggrin Hollywood Lessons

1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.

8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
__________________



Visit us at WWW.SOBSQUAD.NET
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:39 AM
BADDOG is offline BADDOG
resigned

Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,050

Biggrin

Absolutely true and as always brilliant Stalker lol lol!!!!

Warm Regards
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:18 PM
Scott is offline Scott
Scott's Avatar
AKA. Panther

Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 10,964

What about why the star can dodge 300 bullets but his always hits? and when he gets hit it's only in the damn arm.
__________________

04' Dodge SRT-4, Mopar Stage 3, 406whp/436wtq
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
hollywood banded together to tell america how to live. Mauser 98K General Chat 5 02-01-2007 05:07 PM
Corporate Lessons Scorpion101 Humor & Jokes 2 07-30-2005 08:17 AM
If you think Hollywood's run out of ideas… Trojan Gaming Talk 3 07-05-2005 04:08 PM
Three Lessons DevilDog#1 Humor & Jokes 3 03-24-2005 03:19 AM
Corporate lessons katana*GFR* Humor & Jokes 2 11-21-2004 04:04 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:17 AM.




Powered by vBulletin®