Yo Momma Volume I

[midknight]

A variety of Yo Momma Jokes Brought to u by Midknight.....




Your Momma Is So Old........


*Her Social Secrutiy Number is One
*She has Jesus' Pager Number
*She sat behind jesus in second grade
*she was on noah's ark....
thats about it

Your Momma Is So Stupid........


*She got locked in the supermarket over night and starved to death
*She got fired from the M&M Factory for throwin out the W's
*She thinks a quarterback is a Refund
*She thinks taco bell is a mexican phone company
*She asked what kind of jeans i had on and i said "Guess" so she said "LEVI?"

Your Momma Is So Nasty......
*She puts ice in her drawers to keep the crabs Fresh

Thats all i got right now but ill come back with more!

[TCOp]

SO FAT,
1. Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
2. Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
3. Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
4. Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world
5. Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling "Free Willy"
6. Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
7. Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
8. Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
9. Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
10. Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
11. Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
12. Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
13. Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
14. Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
15. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says "to be continued."
16. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says "we don't do livestock".
17. Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
18. Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
19. Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
20. Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
21. Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
22. Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
23. Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
24. Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
25. Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
26. Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
27. Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
28. Yo momma so fat when she bunjie jumps she goes straight to hell!
29. Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
30. Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
31. Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aeriel views!
32. Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
33. Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
34. Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
35. Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
36. Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
37. Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
38. Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
39. Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
40. Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
41. Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
42. Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
43. Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
44. Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
45. Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
46. Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
47. Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
48. Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
49. Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
50. Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
51. Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
52. Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
53. Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
54. Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
55. Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
56. Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
57. Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those Malcom X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
58. Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
59. Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
60. Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
61. Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
62. Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
63. Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
64. Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
65. Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
66. Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
67. Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
68. Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
SO STUPID,
1. Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
2. Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
3. Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
4. Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
5. Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
6. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
7. Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
8. Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
9. Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
10. Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
11. Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
12. Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
13. Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
14. Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
15. Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
16. Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
17. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
18. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
19. Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. !
20. Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
21. Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
22. Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
23. Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
24. Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
25. Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
SO UGLY,
1. Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
2. Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
3. Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
4. Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
5. Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
6. Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
7. Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
8. Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
9. Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
10. Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
11. Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
12. Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
13. Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
14. Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
15. Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
16. Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
17. Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
18. Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
19. Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
20. Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
21. Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
22. Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
23. Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
24. Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
25. Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
26. Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
27. Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
28. Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
SO OLD,
1. Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
2. Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
3. Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
4. Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
5. Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
6. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
7. Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
8. Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
9. Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
10. Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
11. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
12. Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.
13. Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
14. Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
15. Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
16. Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
17. Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
18. Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
SO POOR,
1. Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
2. Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
3. Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!
4. Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
5. Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
6. Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
7. Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." .
8. Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
SO DARK,
1. Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
2. Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
3. Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
SO SHORT,
1. Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
2. Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers license!
3. Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
4. Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
SO HAIRY,
1. Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
2. Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
3. Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Don King in a headlock.
4. Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
5. Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
SO SKINNY,
1. Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
2. Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
3. Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
SO BALD,
1. Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
2. Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
SO TALL,
1. Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
2. Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
GLASSES SO THICK,
1. Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
2. Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
HOUSE SO DIRTY,
1. Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
2. Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
HAIR SO SHORT,
1. Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
2. Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
HEAD SO BIG,
1. Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
2. Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
HEAD SO SMALL,
1. Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
2. Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
YO MOMMA'S LIKE
1. Yo Momma's like a vacuum, she sucks, she blows, and she gets laid in the closet.
2. Yo Momma's like a gumball machine, 25 cents a blow.
3. Yo Momma's like Sprint, 10 cents a minute.
4. Yo Momma's like a Hardware Store, 10 cents a screw.
5. Yo Momma's like McDonald's, billions and billions served.

[midknight]

lol looks like u copy/pasted that tho :P

[TCOp]

Yes it was. I have had this database for years. I had it opened yesterday cause someone i work with needed some momma Jokes to send back and forth with someone he was IMing. Kinda funny that you posted this as a was thinking of doing the same. lmao

[CONDA]

I had to shut down the browser because my co-workers were wondering why I was laughing so hard. These jokes are killing me. ROTFLMAO ! ! !

[Scott]

lol conda