Go Back   Novahq.net Forum > Off-Topic > Humor & Jokes

Humor & Jokes Got a funny joke or a funny email? Post it so we can all laugh!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-18-2006, 09:55 PM
Mstenger404 is offline Mstenger404
Registered User

Join Date: May 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 3,730

Send a message via MSN to Mstenger404
...and asked the bear...

100 REASONS WE’RE GLAD TO BE MEN

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Nite Football.
6. You don’t have to monitor your friend's sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
10. Day-old coffee is still coffee, right?
11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stop for every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. “Baywatch”
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. “Sports Center” at 2:30 A.M.
16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why “Stripes” is so funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. You are never home when Oprah’s on.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So... notice anything different?”
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment.”
26. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear costs $10 for a three-pack.
33. The National Collegiate Cheerleading Championship.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
36. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
37. If you’re 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. Day-old doughnuts are still doughnuts, right?
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe. EVER.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don’t clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You think the “Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition” are hilarious.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don’t give a hoot if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking “He must be mad at me.”
60. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Did I mention “Sports Center”?
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just “too yukky looking.”
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work.... More pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You know what Jackson Browne’s ”Redneck Friend” is.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don’t care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
79. Did I mention “Baywatch?”
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties kick butt over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends that you’ve “changed.”
86. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “ **** it! ”
88. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
90. You don’t miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
91. Your last name stays put.
92. You understand the lyrics in all the Loudon Wainwright III songs.
93. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
94. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Enough said.
95. Even an old beat-up lawn mower reminds you of your 66 Pontiac GTO.
96. You know what Prince’s “Little Red Corvette” is.
97. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.
98. You can get into a non trivial pissing contest.
99. You can appreciate a 600-watt car stereo; you don’t have to turn it all the way up, right?
100. There is always a game on—somewhere!!
__________________


Intel Q9300 Quad~2.5Ghz
PALIT GTX570
ASUS GTX280 Dedicated PhysX
WD Velociraptor 300GB 10k RPM
WD Caviar Black 1TB 7,200 RPM
4GB Patriot DDR3 1333mhz
Intel BOXDX48BT2 X48
Corsair 1000Watt Modular PSU
Windows 7 Professional 64-bit
ASUS VG238H 23" 120Hz 3D-Ready
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Frequently Asked Questions Scott Delta Force 22 02-07-2017 09:43 AM
Joint Ops Escalation FAQ Scott Joint Operations 2 12-07-2015 07:19 PM
Joint Operations Typhoon Rising FAQ Scott Joint Operations 3 04-03-2012 08:15 PM
May have asked before atholon Sigs and Graphics 14 03-07-2008 09:46 AM
not questions asked - click this link now!!!!! Steve General Chat 6 07-17-2003 01:47 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:11 AM.




Powered by vBulletin®