instant climax !!SEXUAL CONTENT!!

[Mauser 98K]

:

[Matt]

not even funny, that would hurt like hell

[Hellfighter]

OMG what a loser,
that would in some case even kill a person to.

if i was the staff i would remove this thread, really not funny as hell.

I'm with Trilogy

here some good one:

1.) Not to do with a copyer:
This is a genuine e-mail from the main receptionist for Sun Microsystems
and went out to all corporate employees. Read it carefully.
To: All Corporate Employees
Subject: Copier!
Date: Thursday, July 24, 1997 12:48PM
PLEASE PLEASE please please please -- I am begging here -- keep any
and all paper clips away from the copier! We have had two service calls
in the last few days removing paper clips, staples and a binder clip from
the inside the copier. PLEASE be really really really really careful around
the copier.
Especially the document handler which seems to suck Cletus like a vacuum
cleaner.
Thanks for your help.

2.) Watch what you say it may happen:
After the annual office party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management, and insulted the Regional Director General to his face." "He's an asshole anyway. Piss on him." "You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you." "Well **** him," said John. I did Louise said. You're back to work on Monday."

3.) Watchout what you say to your kids!! you may get more then you ask for:
Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother: "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick . . . a big eel had some how gotten inside his pants. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I see at the lake! Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a good scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a real fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its brains hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again and by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats . . . they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 5 to 10 minutes of fighting they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet. Mom fainted.

if you going to post up a joke make it funny not a horror sickly joke.

[Hellfighter]

one more:
Bad timing to ask for a Divorce:
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph. He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge. This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need." "Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?" Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."

sorry last 1:
Translating Hebrew:
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were atleast three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil."

"The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them."

"Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food."

"The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!"

[bigsmellyfart]

aaaaaahhhhhh ... just reading that gave me a bruse
not funny at all cause sum bitch might believe itand some poor dude is a gonner.

[Mauser 98K]

DO I GO ON YALLS THREADS AND SAY THAT THEY SUCK? NO I DONT I HAVE A LITTLE MORE RESPECT TOWARD OTHERS AS TO NOT TRY TO OFEND THEM. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE THREAD DONT POST A REPLY. I DIDNT ASK FOR U TO. DONT SAY THAT SOME1 IS A LOSER OR THAT THE THREAD ISNT THIS OR THAT OR SUCKS. IT WAS MENT AS A JOKE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

[Hellfighter]

poor guy it says above "Humor & Jokes" there is no way this thread is Humor at all. if a girl really try it to see how funny is the guy will pay for it, only hope you find that girl and she do it to you see how funny it be then.

no way it funny it more of a horror joke if you wish it to happen to you. thats all we need some Blondie who will try it to see if it really funny or not.

thanks for edited out that was one sickly liner.

real story it did happen:
NCO club in Germany a girl ask a guy to dance with her, they was on the dance floor the girl did crap his balls and almost crush them. he was taken to the hospital asap. it did happen back in 1980 on the base were i was station back then 2/48th inf was the unit i was with back then. Not a joke and it was not funny at all

so please if you going to make a thread please do it with good taste OK.

here some thing many don't know, German Police grasp a girl breast left one to say (seen it) they press under it with their thump and squeeze really hard on a nerve it bring her down to the ground really hard. think it really hurts a lot, the said girl was crying really hard. Not a joke and it was not funny at all

[teej]

Originally posted by Mauser 98K
DO I GO ON YALLS THREADS AND SAY THAT THEY SUCK? NO I DONT I HAVE A LITTLE MORE RESPECT TOWARD OTHERS AS TO NOT TRY TO OFEND THEM. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE THREAD DONT POST A REPLY. I DIDNT ASK FOR U TO. DONT SAY THAT SOME1 IS A LOSER OR THAT THE THREAD ISNT THIS OR THAT OR SUCKS. IT WAS MENT AS A JOKE NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

wow man calm down. These guys are going easy on you compared on some of the other forums i visit. Try to post on a h2 forum or a css forum. ALl they do is flame each other. Everyone has there own opinion so calm down.

[NaughtyPerry]

lmfao thats hilarious

[Mauser 98K]

sorry if i went nuts i just dont like to be called a loser. i put up with name calling and ridiculing for 17 years fome uncle and my dad and it just gets to me sorry fo the explosion.

[EDGE]

No one called you a loser...

[teej]

Originally posted by Chief ADFP
OMG what a loser

ya...ok its over. No big deal anymore. Can an admin please close the thread.

[GeeFuss]

Hmm well not funny LOL...Yea Chief called him a loser but I think it was a joke

[Scott]

closed