Dooms Day has come...

[Grenademan]

Well, it looks like the family computer is INFESTED with spyware and adware...or whatever the hell they're all called. Messages keep popping up from the bottom right of the screen saying that the system is infected with spyware,
and then it prompts me to download some program to remove it all. Ive done that, downloaded 3 programs, but they're all the freakin same! Whats worse is that they wont remove any of these parasites till i register them. And to register, i need to punch in a...key code...well, where the frack is this key code!?

And yeah. Progress is running ultra low and me and my sister are absolutely bloody annoyed with this whole thing.

These...programs have found a ludicrous amount of spyware and adware and all sorts of little nasties. And if my mum finds out, the world will end!

I dont really know what else to do since this has never happened. So, any ideas...anyone? Chief maybe? Any help would be great - EXCEPT suggesting that i buy some program. No can do mates.

EDIT: Turns out half these 'anti-spyware' programs are freakin fake. Thats just great. Cant even browse the net without having to get attacked by these fracking things.

Is there some FREE way to get rid of all these abominations? This sucks. This really does.