Hell examined by chemistry student

[Matt]

The following is an actual question given on a

University of Washington chemistry mid-term.



The answer by one student was so "profound" that the

professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,

which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of

enjoying it as well :



Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or

endothermic (absorbs heat)?



Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs

using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats

when it is

compressed) or some variant. One student, however,

wrote the following: First, we need to know how the

mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know

the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the

rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can

safely assume that once a

soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no

souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering

Hell, let's look

at the different religions that exist in the world

today. Most of these religions state that if you are

not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and

since people do not belong to more than one religion,

we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth

and death rates as they are, we can expect the number

of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we

look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell

because Boyle's Law states that in order for the

temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the

volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls

are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate

at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and

pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks

loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the

increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and

pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa

during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day

in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into

account the fact that I slept with her last night,

then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that

Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The

corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen

over, it follows that it is not accepting any more

souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby

proving the existence of a divine being which explains

why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."