The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this

[bigsmellyfart]

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Like... What did she think I had, an elephant...?
So, since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pants' pockets with Purina nuggets, then simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!