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Humor & Jokes Got a funny joke or a funny email? Post it so we can all laugh! |
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Newspaper Ads
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers . o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. o Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. o We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. o No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent. o For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. o For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. o Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vagetables, salads, quiche. o 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings. o Great Dames for sale. o Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. o Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. o 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year. o Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. o Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. o If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. o Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. o The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. o Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. o Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. o Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. o Stock up and save. Limit: one. o Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. o We build bodies that last a lifetime. o Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last . o This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens. o For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. o For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. o Man, honest. Will take anything. o Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. o Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop. o Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. o Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! o Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. o Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. o Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. o Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. o 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. o Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. o Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. o Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. o See ladies blouses. 50% off! o Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty. o Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. o Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume generalhousekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. o Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. o Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. o Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. o And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. o We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. |
#2
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HAHAHAHAHA some good 1's there bro!!!!
Regards |
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