Lets get Friday started early!

[Stalker61]

A wife walks in the kichen to find her husband stalking around the place holding a fly swatter.

"What are you doing, my dear?" asks the wife.

"Why killing flies, my love." responds the husband.

"Kill any?" asks the wife.

"Yep!" exclaims the husband, "....two males, and three females."

"How do you know that?" replies the wife.

"Well, it was obvious" says that husband, "...two were on a can of beer, and three were on the phone."



A guy is drunk at a bar and he throws up on himself. The drunk guy says, "oh my wife is going to be so mad that I threw up on myself!"

The bartender replies, " put twenty dollars in your pocket and tell her some drunk threw up on you and gave you money to have the shirt cleaned."

The drunk guy said, " Your a genius."

The next day his wife finds the shirt and says, "what happened?" The drunk guy told her the story and said he got twenty dollars from the guy to have it cleaned.

His wife replies, " Then why is their forty dollars in your pocket?"

The husband said, " Oh yeah he crapped in my pants too."