Jokes to start the week off with

[Stalker61]

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . . You know, I just HATE collecting welfare. I'd really rather have a job".

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above
the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bull****ting me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."



A small wild animal park in Southern Mississippi acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages. Eddie, like any redneck, possessed ample desire to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution.

Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.

"And last of all," Eddie stated, "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500."

[BADDOG]

Lol lol lol yet another excellent contribution Stalker, keep 'em coming bro!!!!

Warm Regards