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  #21  
Old 09-07-2009, 06:29 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidently pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML
A comment:

Quote:
Um....are you sure you're not the one that's blonde?
She probably saw the car coming...

Today, I was walking across the street. I slowed down because there was a car coming and I didn't want to get hit. Randomly, this guy runs and tackles me straight into the oncoming car. FML
and another:

Quote:
You, sir, are as smooth as curdled milk.
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #22  
Old 09-07-2009, 06:34 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Quote:
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Quote:
Today, I was walking home from work. It was a really nice day to go for a swim, so I decided to get go for a swim when I got home. When finished putting on my swimsuit. I ran into my back yard and jumped into my 12 ft pool. I forgot it was being redone and would be filled with water tomorrow. FML
Quote:
Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and pen*s beg to differ. FML
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #23  
Old 09-07-2009, 07:00 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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Quote:

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and pen*s beg to differ. FML
omg lmfao

back in 1982 i replace my military US-Army ID card and the expire date set to (dated) : infinite
there was no date only the wording infinite its was like they own me for life!

had my old one replace do to it was damage badly! after i got a new one, then i notice it like 6mo later!

after day or two i gone down and had it replace with the right date on it lmfao
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Last edited by Hellfighter; 09-15-2009 at 11:51 PM.
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  #24  
Old 09-07-2009, 07:45 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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lol
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #25  
Old 09-14-2009, 05:31 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Quote:
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #26  
Old 09-14-2009, 08:06 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Quote:
Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger then me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #27  
Old 09-15-2009, 01:00 PM
ShArP is offline ShArP
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedrumSalad
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
now that is funny and messed up lol
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  #28  
Old 09-15-2009, 04:14 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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i know, lol
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #29  
Old 09-20-2009, 03:11 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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omg
what a day
i was doing work on my Rider mower sharping the blades and grease it up some.

i had a wasp go up my shorts-pants leg and bite me near my family Jews on my left leg thigh.

let me say i was jumping and trying to get out of my gym shorts! almost taken my shorts off totally to get away from it. but last minute it fly away

i had to seat down a bet to relax some...f*** me all to hell! what a freaking day.

paper wasp.

i change my gym shorts to another pair, still had that sick feeling it was still in my shorts taken 2-4hrs to go away.
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  #30  
Old 09-20-2009, 05:13 PM
skinny killer is offline skinny killer
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ahh that's nothin', we have like an 10 acre field that we have to mow with a bush-hog on our tractor. and that's some thick grass with lots of yellow-jacket nests. you'll be lucky if you don't get stung a few times. the bad part is they fallow the tractor so they end up following you around. when ever I bush-hog the field I usually get stung a few times......
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  #31  
Old 09-20-2009, 06:03 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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Yea but has any of them yellow jackets (Wasp) ever gone inside your pants near your family Jews? This paper wasp was like inches away from stinging me right in the groan area!

Its one thing seeing them follows you around and stings you in the arm, leg, neck! But getting inside your pants and go all the way up in the groan area! That really had me going. Especially if they stung you in the groan area!

I can careless if I got stung in the hand, arm, and neck area! But not in the groan that’s a killer to me.

BTW I have 4.5 acres as will 3/4 of it is woodland & rest open area tall grass too. Yellow jackets nest are many as will in my area

I can't say 100% if it was a yellow jacket gut feeling I think it was, but did not really see it up-close, it bite like hell that I can say!
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Last edited by Hellfighter; 09-20-2009 at 07:55 PM.
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  #32  
Old 09-20-2009, 07:25 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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can u please put SOME sense in ur posts chief, i mean, no offense, but, when i read ur posts in my head, it sounds like a 5 year old is talking inside my head
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #33  
Old 09-20-2009, 07:47 PM
skinny killer is offline skinny killer
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yeah I know, no hard feelings but you should really take a gander at a grammer book or something.


and I've had a few get up under my shirt. but never had any get into my pants.... maybe you should keep your FLY closed and they won't be able to FLY in.
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  #34  
Old 09-28-2009, 05:30 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Quote:
Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #35  
Old 09-28-2009, 05:33 PM
skinny killer is offline skinny killer
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  #36  
Old 10-02-2009, 02:06 AM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skinny killer View Post


and I've had a few get up under my shirt. but never had any get into my pants.... maybe you should keep your FLY closed and they won't be able to FLY in.
no hard feeling and i had on shorts on when it happen, they don't have any zipper as will. stinger right up the pants legging lol
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  #37  
Old 10-06-2009, 11:53 AM
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Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML
Quote:
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
Quote:
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
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  #38  
Old 10-06-2009, 09:51 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
i would show up with the cat and a ink pad and say ok were do the cat need to signs on the paper!
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  #39  
Old 10-07-2009, 02:49 PM
RedrumSalad is offline RedrumSalad
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"dalasmurdeR"

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Quote:
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
lmao
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton

"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot

Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.

R.I.P Murphy
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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  #40  
Old 10-07-2009, 05:20 PM
ShArP is offline ShArP
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Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
i would laugh at myself for doing that lol
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