Santa Joke

[Cathar]

Well as we are getting closer to Christmas I thought that I would start getting in the mood with this little thing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However since Santa doesn’t visit children of Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population census bureau). At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for every Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks may be left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million houses are distributed evenly around the earth (which, of course we know to be false, but will accept for the purpose of out calculations), we are not talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second – 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe travelled at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element, assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself! On land a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “Flying reindeer” can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job cant be done with eight or even nine, Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship Not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons moving at 650 miles per seconds creates enormous air resistance – this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft on re-entry. The lead pair of reindeer (yes Rudolf) would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. In short they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches his fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000g’s. a 250 pound Santa, which seems ludicrously slim would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4, 315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs reducing this great man to a blob of quivering pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------

So anyway, all I have to say is "Bah, humbug"

P.S. If you still believe in Santa don't read the above message.

[ßlòóÐbÀ†H~Uã~]

hahahahahahahahaha so funny