An Exercise Guide for the Lazy

[~SA~MarineBlade]

Slacker's guide to burning calories

1. Walk 15 ft from couch to fridge, opening beer, walking back to couch: 2 calories.

2. One minute of using TV remote (zapping 12 channels perminute): 1 calorie.

3. A one mile round trip drive to the market for Ding Dongs, Doritos, and of course diet soda: 47 calories

4. Browsing eBay for one hour 108 calories.

5. Reading Elle or Sports Illustrated for 30 minutes 39 calories

6. Climbing into and out of hammock 0.5 calories

7. Reaching from bed and hitting snooze button on alarm clock eight times: 3 calories

8. One minute of grating chedder cheese (for nachos) 2.5 calories

9. ONe minute of squeezing limes (for margaritas): 2.5 calories

10. Six minutes 40 seconds of chewing two stalks of celery: 10 calories.
(Two stalks have 10 calories. If celery actually tasted good, it would be the perfect food.)

11. Six minutes 40 seconds of chewing 1 1/2 ounces of beef jerky 10 calories (it has 140 calories - better stick to celery.

12. 15 minutes of dipping Doritors into bean dip: 22.5 calories. (Gave up on that celery pretty quickly didn't you).

13. Opening DVD jacket and inserting DVD into player 0.15 calories.

14. 10 minutes of playing air guitar 30 caliries.

15. Sunbathing for 45 minutes, turning four times (Including 4 calories to apply sunscreen): 49 calories.

16. One hour of floating on a raft in the pool: 60 calories.

17. ONe hour of playing video games: 90 calories.

18. 30 minutes of chewing gum: 45 calories.

19. 12 seconds of stirring martini with swizzle sticl 0.5 calories.

20. Stomping trash down in the kietchen trash can to avoid taking out trash: 1.5 calories.

22. 30 minutes of practicing your putting on the living room rug: 60 calories.

23. 30 minutes in a bubblebath or hot tub: 30 calories.

24. Three hours of shopping at the mall: 414 calories (DANGER: Risk of actual fitness benefit).

25 15 minutes of blowing soap bubbles 15 calories.

26. Phoning in a pizza order while lying on the couch: 3 calories.

27. 30 seconds of shaking Hershey's Syrup bottle to get the last bit squeezed inot the tip: 2.75 calories.

28. ONe minute of scopping rock-hard ice cream: 6 calories.

29. 30 minutes of doing your nails: 45 calories.

30. 10 minutes of petting a cat. 15 calories.

31. One minute of standing in front of the micro-wave while yelling "Hurry Up" every 10 seconds: 2.5 calories.

32. ONe round of miniature golf: 90 calories.

33. Doing the wave at the ballpark four times: 0.9 calories.

34. One hour of gliding down the Nile River in royal barge, being handed-fed grades by devoted attendants (subtract 3.5 calires per grape): 60 calories.

NOTE: Calorie figures are probably in the ballpark, but they're not exact.

That would take way too much effort.

[Matt]

lol pretty good stuff

been there...done that