What Men Really Mean

[Stalker61]

"I'm going fishing."
Really means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means..
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing." Really means..
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical nor understanding it so go away, quit nagging me and asking questions."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means..
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means..
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"Good idea."
Really means..
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"
Really means..
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means..
"She's heard all my stories before."

"We're going to be late."
Really means..
"Now I have an excuse to drive like a maniac, and it kind of excites me."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means..
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means..
"I was wondering if that redhead with the big hooters over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means..
"I can't hear the TV over the damned vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means..
"Are you still talking?"

"You expect too much of me."
Really means..
"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means.."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and explosions."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means..
"What did you catch me at?"

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means..
"You've got more clothes in your closet than the Chinese army"

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means..
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you."
Really means..
"I haven't a clue what you just said"

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means..
"I am used to the way you yell at me"

"You look terrific."
Really means..
"Try on one more outfit I'll kill you"

"I missed you."
Really means..
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means..
"No one will ever see us alive again, but I'm not stopping for directions because you'll get that damn, head tilted, I-told-you-so look on your face and I'll have to hit you in the head with a shovel."

"We share the housework."
Really means..
"I make the messes, she cleans them up. It's a part of the delicate balance of nature."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means..
"Oh, god, what have you done to yourself? Does it hurt?"

[-Tigger-]

lol, lots of reading m8 but nice 1

[BADDOG]

LMAO where do you get all these gags from Stalker and keep 'em coming lol!!!!


Warm Regards

[.enfo.]

so funny it hurts
but good lol

[=|[DR]|=]

lol but it's true