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  #1  
Old 05-28-2004, 07:38 AM
Stalker61 is offline Stalker61
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Biggrin So you want to date my daughter?

Dating Rules

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Slowly, Fingers first, then the hand.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five:

Some people think that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." A complete D.M.V. and N.C.I.C. print out is required before the second date.

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car.

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her Adam's apple. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies, which feature chain saws, are okay. Hockey games are okay.


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  #2  
Old 05-28-2004, 12:10 PM
Se7eN is offline Se7eN
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nice...
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Originally posted by blueprint
If you weren't so great in bed I'd have to say that's ripping.
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  #3  
Old 05-28-2004, 06:05 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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nice think there are more rule.
In high school i gone on a date the girl father told me if she come home after 10:00pm (20:00hrs) he will cut off my balls if it after 12:00am (24:00hrs) he will cutoff my arms & Legs to-boot. so you better have a good reason for not bring her home late, Dang we both got stinking drunk and in jail for 24hrs you should have seen him, she was driving the car (his car and his little girl 16) he bail her out, me i open my big mouth get a bed for the night in Jail house rock. back in 1978.

he call me a week later told me not to see her again, i said its ok she pay for the drinks with his money, do to i had no money on me at the time. she payout USD-100.00 for all them drinks. whiskey taste so good.

ran late had a pay check to cash did not make it to the bank on time, she bail me out on getting drinks and told me i was to pay her back i did at school 3 days later and girls room is so nice you and a girl having fun together. at lease we did.
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  #4  
Old 05-30-2004, 03:23 AM
BADDOG is offline BADDOG
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Smile

As I have a 13 year old daughter I think this is very appropiate lol lol!


Regards
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Old 10-12-2009, 10:15 PM
Deathdemon1 is offline Deathdemon1
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Biggrin Lol

:lols ign:
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  #6  
Old 10-13-2009, 10:32 AM
.Simon. is offline .Simon.

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Im glad this thread was bumped
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Old 10-13-2009, 11:43 AM
atholon is offline atholon
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Wow, talk about an old thread, I thought I'd seen this one before.
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