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  #8981  
Old 07-31-2012, 09:21 AM
Guest001 is offline Guest001
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Don't ever say this...
Her: Do you think my butt is too big?
Him: It would look normal on a bigger body.
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  #8982  
Old 07-31-2012, 09:31 AM
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Quote:
Don't ever say this...
Her: Do you think my butt is too big?
Him: It would look normal on a bigger body.
Her Answer: That's it! You're dead meat!
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  #8983  
Old 08-02-2012, 02:45 PM
chopperprop is offline chopperprop
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Elevator Magic
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"
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  #8984  
Old 08-02-2012, 02:46 PM
chopperprop is offline chopperprop
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Valentines, Redneck Style
Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway.

You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits.

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me back in '74.

Still them fellers at work they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread.

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these will not do.
For you are too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odour,
Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor.
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  #8985  
Old 08-02-2012, 02:49 PM
chopperprop is offline chopperprop
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0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
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  #8986  
Old 08-21-2012, 04:43 PM
dave61 is offline dave61
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I've learned to just smile and say "I love you just the way you are, you're perfect !"
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  #8987  
Old 08-21-2012, 05:55 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave61 View Post
I've learned to just smile and say "I love you just the way you are, you're perfect !"


your so lucky, last time my girl friend came at me with a loaded shotgun and said "don't tell me you forgot what day it is?" i ran like hell and came back like 3hrs gave her something costly!
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Last edited by Hellfighter; 08-21-2012 at 07:38 PM.
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  #8988  
Old 08-21-2012, 06:38 PM
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yep
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Last edited by Hellfighter; 08-21-2012 at 07:39 PM.
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  #8989  
Old 08-21-2012, 07:37 PM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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yea will they got something right
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  #8990  
Old 08-21-2012, 10:40 PM
Guest001 is offline Guest001
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chopperprop View Post
elevator magic
a hillbilly family took a vacation to new york city. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "what's this, paw?"

the father responded, "son, i have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

while the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "go get your maw!"
lol lol lol...lol lol lol
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  #8991  
Old 01-03-2013, 10:53 AM
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First to post 2013
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  #8992  
Old 01-03-2013, 05:40 PM
Sam is offline Sam
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LOL grrr
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  #8993  
Old 01-03-2013, 07:50 PM
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heeeheeheeheheheheh
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  #8994  
Old 01-03-2013, 07:51 PM
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I was last to post in 2012 as well! LOL LOL LOL
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  #8995  
Old 01-04-2013, 04:32 AM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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  #8996  
Old 01-04-2013, 05:30 AM
Hellfighter is offline Hellfighter
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he got game on the mind
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  #8997  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:05 AM
SilentTrigger is offline SilentTrigger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellfighter View Post
he got game on the mind
She speaks swedish
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My photography website



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  #8998  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:05 AM
Sam is offline Sam
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i like carrots
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  #8999  
Old 01-04-2013, 11:16 AM
Guest001 is offline Guest001
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Nice pool!

I'm subscribed now TY HF
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  #9000  
Old 01-04-2013, 12:44 PM
Sam is offline Sam
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I love spamming
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