Duct and Cover

[-live-wire-]

Terrorism Preparedness Guide

The U.S. government has a new website, Ready.gov. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations:


If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.



If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud!


If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.


Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the **** away.


Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.


Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.


If a door is closed, karate chop it open.


If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.


Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that ****.


If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.


If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.


If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.


If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.



Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

[BADDOG]

LMAO I love it!!!!

Regards

[VooDoo-]

lmfao .. dude thats funny as hell

[Lucky]

LMFAFPOFOFOFO

[Chels]

Now thats me right there, looking at them damn labels and wondering wtf they mean lol j/k thanks for the help now i know i like this joke helps you out alot

[Jeff]

Good one!

[Steve]

v good, fav:

Originally posted by -live-wire-



Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the **** away.

[score]

lol that is seriously the hardest i have laughed in a while

[Obscuras]

dude,thats just so good

[Obscuras]

lol,ive got some more

ive got some more!!


if you see a red arrow stuck in a door,ignore it and walk past


leave mating elevators lay


this is mainly an alert for anyone whos near the portaloo near the end of broadway,near main street


when playing hide and seek with radioactive speech bubbles,hide behind walls


its family photo time!!!

[Lucky]

lol @ talos

[Dr. Bullet]

Lmao, genius

[Dr. Bullet]

Don't keep dead animals around.


The contaminated area will always be to your right, and shelter will always be directly ahead of you.


If the contaminated area is somehow behind you, going left is a possible escape route.


Dress up as medical personnel. Everyone's about to die, but you'll get to squeeze people.


Always keep your entertainment devices near you.

[.Simon.]

haha pmsl, im loving it guys

[Obscuras]

aaah i have to find more!!

[bigsmellyfart]

lol i like the part about conserving oxygen

[Stu]

lol @ all
-Tecceh2

[Jeff]

Again, great comedy.

[bigsmellyfart]

My Mom was " Terror ist till she went to the beauty shop "...