its looking that may be the problem. we had cable guy come out to make sure there was nothing wrong with the connections and wiring. all good there.
i have literally done everything possible. forwarded the ports, used only the ones listed by NL in the faq forum, set static ip's, changed settings in the firewalls and in the exceptions properties and it still does the same garbage.
my last option is to contact Arris directly this coming weekend to see WTF is going on. may have to rent a modem from Cox so i can send this back if need be.
