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Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
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Today, I was walking home from work. It was a really nice day to go for a swim, so I decided to get go for a swim when I got home. When finished putting on my swimsuit. I ran into my back yard and jumped into my 12 ft pool. I forgot it was being redone and would be filled with water tomorrow. FML
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Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and pen*s beg to differ. FML
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Some say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire, well I say the best weapon is the one you only have to fire once, thats how i do it, thats how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his" - General George S. Patton
"Heroes are remembered, but legends never die" - The Sandlot
Whatever doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch.
R.I.P Murphy 
September 10, 1995 - April 21, 2010
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