Staying out late
 

Two married friends are out drinking one night , when one
turns to the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else
to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage and take my shoes off before I go into the house. I sneak up the stairs, and get undressed in the bathroom. Then I stick my foot in the
toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I tiptoe into the bedroom and ease into bed. My wife STILL wakes up, and yells at me
for staying out so late!'

His friend looks at him and says, Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, WHO'S HORNY?????!!! And she acts like she's sound asleep!! It works every time!!!

omg lmfao

i go out and party hard then head home to dead to do any thing, i walk through the doorway and fall face down on the floor sleep away! till next morning, were my girl get up and come by the front door and says; thats what you get for partying hard all night! then she say's "we both had a great time last night" mike came by and help me out till 4am in the morning then left for his home!

i think i heard this one before but that is still funny!!