Novahq.net Forum - Too much coffee

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
# You answer the door before people knock.
# Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
# You ski uphill.
# You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
# You speed walk in your sleep.
# You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
# You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
# You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
# You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
# You sleep with your eyes open.
# You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
# The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
# You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
# You lick your coffeepot clean.
# You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
# You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
# You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
# Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
# You chew on other people's fingernails.
# The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
# Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
# You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
# You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
# You can jump-start your car without cables.
# Cocaine is a downer.
# All your kids are named "Joe".
# You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
# Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
# You don't sweat, you percolate.
# You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
# You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
# You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
# You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
# You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
# Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
# You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
# People get dizzy just watching you.
# You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
# The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
# Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
# Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
# You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
# People can test their batteries in your ears.
# Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
# Instant coffee takes too long.
# You channel surf faster without a remote.
# When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
# You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
# You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
# Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
# You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
# You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
# You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
# You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
# You get drunk just so you can sober up.
# You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
# Your Thermos is on wheels.
# Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
# You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
# You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
# You short out motion detectors.
# You have a conniption over spilled milk.
# You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
# Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
# You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
# You don't tan, you roast.
# You don't get mad, you get steamed.
# Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
# Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
# You can't even remember your second cup.
# You help your dog chase its tail.
# You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
# Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
# You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
# You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
# Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.