Steve
01-18-2002, 07:41 AM
gotta read all this, just gets really funny at the end, lmfao when i read Jan 13th entry
THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISH MAN LIVING IN ABERDEENSHIRE "OUR FIRST WINTER"
DEC 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for
years the wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching
the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering
the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering
as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush
covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time
ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement.
Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved.
I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a
snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball
fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and
joined in their fun.
DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to
around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due
to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly
afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow
is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice
when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars.
Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went to a physio but nothing was broken.
JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work.
She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had
another 8 inches of white ****e last night. Both vehicles are covered in
salt and iced up slush that bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's
that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th
More ****ing snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been
damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to
death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly
torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree
burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a ****ing
deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
JAN 13th
****ing bastard white ****e just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every
article of clothing just to go to the post box the little ****s next door
ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far
up the little pricks arse it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I
ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest
and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the
corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down
the street like Michael "****ing" Schumacher and buries the ****ing driveway
again.
JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of ****ing snow and ****ing ice and ****ing sleet and
god knows what other white ****e fell last night. I am in court in 3 months
time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice-pick. Can't move my
****ing toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more ****ing
snow forecast.
**** THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON
THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISH MAN LIVING IN ABERDEENSHIRE "OUR FIRST WINTER"
DEC 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for
years the wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching
the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering
the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering
as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush
covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time
ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement.
Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our
driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved.
I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a
snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball
fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and
joined in their fun.
DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to
around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due
to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly
afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow
is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice
when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars.
Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went to a physio but nothing was broken.
JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work.
She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had
another 8 inches of white ****e last night. Both vehicles are covered in
salt and iced up slush that bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's
that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th
More ****ing snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been
damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to
death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly
torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree
burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a ****ing
deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
JAN 13th
****ing bastard white ****e just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every
article of clothing just to go to the post box the little ****s next door
ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far
up the little pricks arse it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I
ever catch the arsehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest
and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the
corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down
the street like Michael "****ing" Schumacher and buries the ****ing driveway
again.
JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of ****ing snow and ****ing ice and ****ing sleet and
god knows what other white ****e fell last night. I am in court in 3 months
time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice-pick. Can't move my
****ing toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more ****ing
snow forecast.
**** THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON